How long does settling in at kindergarten take? A plan for the first 2 weeks
For most children, settling in at kindergarten takes two to six weeks. If your child is two or more sensitive, it may take two to three months before they feel at home there. How long it takes depends on your child’s age and temperament, their experience of being apart from you and whether they start gradually. Your child will settle fastest if you extend their time step by step and every morning follows the same pattern.
So there is no single answer to “how long will it take”. But a few signs will tell you that your child is doing well, and there is an approach that shortens the process. Below you will find a rough table by age, a plan for the first 14 days and tips on fitting settling in around work.
What affects how long settling in takes
Your child’s age
A two-year-old feels separation most intensely. They have no sense of time yet and cannot say in words what they need. Three- and four-year-olds already understand the order of events and are easier to calm with an explanation. Five- and six-year-olds usually cope with the change fastest, although they may be shy in a new group.
Temperament
Some children run into the classroom and do not even look back at their parent. Others watch from the side for a long time and only join in after a few days. Both are fine. A cautious child needs more time, not more pressure.
Experience of separation
A child who has already spent time with grandma, a nanny or at a children’s centre has an advantage. They know from experience that their parent comes back.
What is happening at home
Moving house, the birth of a sibling or a parent going back to work in the same week as starting kindergarten all add to the load. For families who have just moved to Bratislava, the new flat, the new city and the new language are already a lot. If you can, do not combine starting kindergarten with another big change.
How your child starts
A gradual start, where your child stays only a short time in the first days, shortens settling in overall. Going straight into full days is a steep jump for many children.
A rough guide to settling-in time by age
| Age | Usual length | What to expect |
|---|---|---|
| 2 – 2.5 years | 4 weeks to 3 months | Strong crying at goodbye, poorer sleep, more cuddling at home |
| 2.5 – 3.5 years | 3 to 8 weeks | Crying in the morning, tiredness and irritability in the afternoon |
| 3.5 – 5 years | 2 to 6 weeks | Negotiating at goodbye, questions like “why do I have to” |
| 5 – 6 years | 1 to 4 weeks | Shyness in a new group, needing to find a friend |
The table is a rough guide based on the experience of kindergartens and paediatricians’ advice on separation anxiety. Your child may be quicker or slower, and that is still fine.
How to tell your child is settling in
Settling in is not a line after which everything changes one day. It is made of small improvements that come gradually. Watch for these signs:
- the morning crying is shorter or less frequent,
- your child eats at kindergarten and gradually rests or sleeps there too,
- at home they mention the names of other children or the teacher,
- they play “kindergarten” at home or sing songs from kindergarten,
- at pick-up they do not want to leave straight away,
- in the morning they ask whether it is a kindergarten day and are not afraid of the answer.
If you see two or three of these signs, settling in is working, even if there are still occasional tears.
A plan for the first two weeks
This is what a gradual start can look like for a child going to kindergarten for the first time. Adjust the length of each step to how your child reacts. If a day is hard, stay on the same step for another day or two.
| Day | How long | What happens |
|---|---|---|
| Days 1 – 2 | 1 to 2 hours, ideally with a parent nearby | Your child gets to know the classroom, the toys and the teacher. The parent stays close and gradually steps into the background |
| Days 3 – 4 | 2 hours without a parent | The first short goodbye. The parent leaves and comes back exactly at the agreed time |
| Day 5 | Until the morning snack and outdoor play | Your child has the morning snack and plays outside with the other children |
| Days 6 – 8 | Until lunch | First lunch at kindergarten, pick-up straight afterwards |
| Days 9 – 10 | Until lunch, then a first try at rest time | Your child lies down with the others, the parent comes after a short rest |
| Days 11 – 14 | Until the afternoon snack | First full days, with pick-up on the early side rather than late |
Treat the plan as a map, not a timetable you have to complete. Some children get through the whole table in ten days, others stay at the “until lunch” step for two weeks. What matters is that every step ends with a good feeling for your child. If a day did not go well, repeat the same step the next day and do not cut it short.
The first full days should not end at closing time. If your child watches all the other children leave one by one, they may get frightened that nobody is coming for them.
The week before your child starts
- Shift the routine. Gradually move waking up, lunch and nap time to match the kindergarten day. You can find our daily routine on the Daily routine page.
- Practise self-care. Getting dressed, washing hands, drinking from a cup. A child who can do something alone feels more confident in a new place.
- Visit the kindergarten together. A visit or a walk past the building helps make the first day less of a leap into the unknown.
- Pack the bag. Indoor shoes, spare clothes, a toy for nap time. You will find a list in What to pack for kindergarten.
- Talk about kindergarten calmly. Without scaring your child and without over-the-top promises.
Why settling in sometimes gets worse after a few weeks
Many children manage the first days brilliantly and then start crying in the morning in week three or four. Sometimes an illness comes along, because the body is meeting new viruses. After a week at home, getting used to kindergarten starts again. This is the usual course. Your child has understood that kindergarten is for good, and the excitement of something new has turned into everyday life. What helps then is going back a step, for example picking up after lunch for a few days, and keeping a firm morning ritual. We write about the goodbye itself in Your child cries at kindergarten drop-off.
How to fit settling in around work
What worries parents most is that a gradual start is hard to combine with a full-time job. These have worked well:
- plan the kindergarten start two to three weeks before you go back to work,
- share the first weeks between both parents or bring in the grandparents,
- agree shorter hours or working from home with your employer for the first weeks,
- expect that your child may get ill more often in the first months. We write more about this in Your child is always ill after starting kindergarten.
What a good first day looks like
The first day is not a test of how long your child can last. It should be a pleasant experience you can build on. Come in the morning at a time when there are not many children in the classroom yet. Your child changes their shoes and you look at their cubby and their symbol together. Let them choose the first toy themselves. Stay close, but do not play for them. When they start to take an interest in the teacher or the other children, move back to a chair by the wall. Leave while your child is still in a good mood. It is better to finish ten minutes early than to wait until they get tired and burst into tears.
At home after the first day, do not cross-examine them. One question is enough, such as “what did you like playing with most today?”. Children often start talking only in the evening, in the bath or before bed.
What to tell the teacher about your child
The teacher will get to know your child faster if you tell her a few practical things. It saves your child stress and saves you worry. Before your child starts, let her know:
- what calms your child when they are sad (a toy, a song, a back rub),
- how they say they need the toilet, and whether they still wear a nappy,
- which foods they do not like and what they are allergic to,
- how they fall asleep and whether they have a dummy or a favourite toy for nap time,
- the names of people and animals they often talk about,
- whether anything at home is weighing on them right now (a sibling, moving house, illness in the family).
If your child speaks another language at home, write down a few words they use for the teacher: drink, eat, wee, mummy, it hurts. It helps a great deal in the first days.
Food and sleep while settling in
If your child hardly eats at kindergarten in the first days, there is no need to worry. New foods, different smells and lots of children at the table are a lot at once, and it usually sorts itself out within two weeks. Offer a more filling dinner at home and do not make kindergarten food a topic. Sleep is similar. Some children do not fall asleep in a new place for the first few weeks, while others are so tired that they sleep much longer than at home. Add nap time to settling in only once your child can manage the morning and lunch. We write about why children do not want to eat at kindergarten in Your child won’t eat at kindergarten and about rest time in Does my child have to nap at kindergarten?
Phrases that help your child while settling in
- “Today you’ll be at kindergarten until snack time. Then I’ll come and we’ll go home.”
- “It’s OK to feel sad. Your teacher will help you.”
- “Tomorrow you’ll stay a little longer, until lunch.”
- “You did it. I saw that you built a castle.”
Praise for something specific (“you built a castle”) works better than a general “you were good”. Your child knows what they did well and does not feel judged on whether they cried.
Starting mid-year and moving from another kindergarten
Parents often worry that a child who starts in January or April will find settling in harder because the other children already know each other. Kindergartens’ experience tends to be the opposite. An established class has a calmer atmosphere, fewer children crying at the same time, and the teacher has more time for the newcomer. A new child often copies the others: they see how everyone changes their shoes in the morning and goes to the morning snack, and they join in.
If your child is moving from another kindergarten, settling in is usually shorter, but not always painless. Your child knows how kindergarten works but has lost friends and a familiar teacher. Tell them openly why they are changing kindergarten and let them miss the old one. It helps to keep something familiar, such as the same nap-time toy or the same morning ritual.
Parents settle in too
Parents get used to kindergarten just as children do. The first weeks are full of questions: Is my child happy there? Are they eating too little? Was I too strict at goodbye? A short, regular chat with the teacher at pick-up helps. If you need a longer conversation, arrange a time with the head teacher or write in the app. That way the teacher can stay with the children in the class and you get a calm answer. A slower start does not mean something is not working. If you yourself are struggling with anxiety for a long time, it is fine to talk to a professional. A calmer parent is also a calmer support for their child.
When to slow down or change the approach
Slow down if after a few days your child is not ready for the next step: they cry long after you leave, refuse to eat, or do not sleep at home either. Ask the teacher what she sees at kindergarten and try staying with shorter days for longer. Talk to your paediatrician or a child psychologist if things do not improve even after six to eight weeks. Look for professional help too if your child has physical problems linked to kindergarten or if the fear of separation spills into other situations. The counselling and prevention centre (centrum poradenstva a prevencie) in your city district can also help, free of charge.
Two-year-olds need particular patience. If you are wondering whether your child is ready for kindergarten, read Kindergarten from age 2.
How we do it at Sovička
In the first days your child’s time at Sovička will be shorter, and we extend it once we see they are doing well. If your child needs it, you can stay with them at the beginning. We agree together how long settling in will take, based on your child rather than a table. There are 7 to 15 children in each class and one teacher, who is with your child from the first day. Your child can start at any time of the year when a place is free. That means you can plan the start so that there is time for a gradual start before you go back to work. You will find the details on the Settling in page.
We have also prepared a free guide, “How to choose a kindergarten and manage settling in”, with a printable plan for the first two weeks. Download it, or come and have a look with your child. Book a visit at a quiet time, when the kindergarten is not full.
Questions on this topic
How long does settling in take for a two-year-old?
How do I know settling in is over?
Can a parent stay in the classroom with their child?
Why did settling in get worse after a month?
Do I need to take holiday for settling in?
Is it better to start in September or during the year?
head teacher, Mgr. (master’s degree), pre-school and primary education
Reviewed by: Zuzana Marynčáková