Back to kindergarten after holidays or illness, without the tears

Going back to kindergarten after holidays or illness is often harder for your child than you would expect. After weeks at home they have lost the habit of the routine and of saying goodbye, so the morning tears may return for a few days. It helps to prepare your child a few days in advance, keep the goodbye short and cheerful and collect them early for the first few days. After an illness, your child should go back only when they are fully well. Otherwise the illness spreads to other children in the class and comes back to your child a few days later. In this article we explain why going back is hard, how to manage it without tears and how to tell that your child is really ready after an illness.

Many parents are surprised. Your child used to go to kindergarten happily, waved in the morning and ran off to their friends. Then came a holiday or a week with a fever, and suddenly they are clinging to your leg at the door. This reaction to change is common and usually passes within a few days.

Why the tears come back after a break

A small child lives in the present. After a week or two at home with you, they get used to you always being close. Going back to kindergarten means saying goodbye to you again. For a child under three, that is still hard. The NHS says that separation anxiety is common in children from six months to three years and can last longer. According to the NHS it is a natural part of development and children usually grow out of it.

The NHS adds a reassuring thought: separation anxiety is often a sign of how strong the bond between you is. Your child cries because they trust you and want to be with you. How quickly they calm down also depends on how you prepare them for going back.

After an illness your child is also more tired. Their body is still recovering, and they have less energy to cope with the morning, the noise and everything new. So they may be more tearful in the first days, even once the fever has gone.

How to prepare your child for going back after holidays

What helps most is starting to prepare a few days ahead. That way your child is not taken by surprise.

• Get back into the routine. Two or three days before going back, wake your child and put them to bed at the same times as on kindergarten days. A morning without rushing is half the battle.
• Talk about kindergarten. Mention their friends, the teacher and their favourite toy. Tell them what is waiting for them, such as a trip or the garden.
• Look at photos together. If you have photos from kindergarten, look at them. Your child will remember what they enjoy doing there.
• Pack the bag together. Let your child choose which cuddly toy to take for nap time. It gives them a sense that going back is partly in their hands.
• Collect them early for the first few days. A shorter day makes going back easier. Gradually extend it to the usual time.

The morning at the door: short and cheerful

The morning goodbye after a break is the hardest moment of the day. The NHS advises saying goodbye with a smile, confidently and with a wave, because your child picks up on your tension. Also tell them what you will do together when you come back.

1. Keep the goodbye short. A hug, a kiss, ‘bye, I’ll come after lunch’ and go. A long goodbye tends to make the crying last longer.
2. Don’t sneak away. Your child might start to fear you could disappear at any moment. When you say goodbye, they know what is happening.
3. Say when you will come. A small child does not understand clock times. Describe it by the day: ‘I’ll come after your afternoon snack.’
4. Keep your word. When you come as promised, your child will believe you more easily next time.

Most children calm down shortly after the parent leaves. If the morning crying continues, our article My child cries at kindergarten drop-off may help.

Going back after illness: when is your child really well

After an illness, the most important thing is that your child goes back fully well. For common illnesses, experts give these periods:

These periods are only a guide. Your paediatrician always decides when your child can go back among other children. Besides the time period, look at how your child feels. The American Academy of Pediatrics says a child should stay at home if their illness prevents them from taking part comfortably in normal activities. If your child is still tired, does not want to eat and just lies around, they need another day or two at home.

Why your child should not go back half-ill

We understand that after a week at home you need to get back to work. Your boss is waiting and your leave is running out. That is exactly when it is tempting to send a child who is ‘nearly better’ to kindergarten. But experience shows that going back too soon harms your own child most.

A child who has not fully recovered has weaker immunity. In class they meet other viruses and easily catch a new illness. At the same time they can still infect their friends. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) say, for example, that strep bacteria are very contagious and spread through droplets from coughs and sneezes and through touch.

In the class the illness then spreads like a relay race. Several children catch it, and often the teacher too. When the teacher is off, a substitute teacher greets the children in the morning, someone they know less well, and the days are more unsettled for them. Meanwhile the illness keeps going round. Your child comes back after recovering to a class where it is still spreading, and a few days later they are at home again. Parents then feel their child is ill all the time and do not know why.

So we will tell you honestly: a child who goes back to kindergarten before they are well often comes home even more ill. An extra day or two at home is shorter than another week with a fever. You can read more about why children are often ill in their first year at kindergarten in My child is always sick since starting kindergarten.

A plan for sick days so you don’t have to rush

The temptation to send a child who is not yet well to kindergarten is strongest when there is nobody to stay with them. It helps to have a plan ready before you need it.

• Arrange things with grandparents or friends. Find out in advance who could come for a day or two when your child is ill.
• Ask at work about working from home. Even one day at home gives your child time to recover fully.
• Share the days with your partner. One of you stays with your child on the first day, the other on the next. That spreads the load.

With a plan in place, the decision to keep your child at home is easier. And a child who recovers fully misses less kindergarten overall.

What to say when your child doesn’t want to go

When your child says in the morning ‘I don’t want to go to kindergarten’, do not argue. Acknowledge the feeling and then gently steer them:

• ‘I know you don’t feel like it. We had a lovely time at home together.’
• ‘Your friend is waiting for you at kindergarten, and I’ll come after your afternoon snack.’
• ‘When I come, we’ll go to the playground together.’

Phrases like these tell your child that you understand how they feel, and at the same time reassure them that you will come back. Avoid promising presents for not crying. Your child would learn that crying pays off.

The first days after an illness

Even a healthy child is still weaker after an illness. In the first days it helps to collect them early and give them a calm afternoon at home. Make sure they drink plenty and get enough sleep.

If your child tires quickly after going back, that is normal. Their body is recovering and they need to get used to a whole day in a group again. It usually takes a few days. If you possibly can, keep their days at kindergarten shorter in the first week and give them peace and fresh air on a walk in the afternoon.

Going back after a longer break

After a longer break, such as the summer holiday, your child may need to settle in again almost as if it were the beginning. It does not have to happen, but it is good to be prepared for it. If your child comes back after a holiday and cries in the morning for the first week, that is normal. Do the same as when they first started: shorter days at the beginning, a calm goodbye and a regular routine.

If something has changed at home in the meantime, such as a new baby or a move, tell the teacher. She will know why your child is more sensitive and give them more attention. Even a small change at home shows at kindergarten, and this way the teacher can understand it more easily. We describe how long getting used to kindergarten usually takes in How long does settling in at kindergarten take?

What helps at home after going back

• Time just for the two of you. After pick-up, spend ten minutes together, without your phone and without chores. Your child is reassured that you are still there for them.
• Food straight after kindergarten. A hungry, tired child explodes more easily. A small snack on the way home solves a lot.
• An earlier bedtime. In the first days back, your child needs more sleep than usual.
• Patience with moods. If your child is grumpy at home, it is their way of letting out the tension of the day. More in Why is my child grumpy at home after kindergarten?

When to talk to the teacher or a doctor

If your child is still crying after going back two or three weeks later, talk to the teacher. Together you can find out whether something at kindergarten is bothering them. If your child really is ill very often, the illnesses are severe or they struggle to recover, talk to your paediatrician.

How we do it at Sovička

Sovička is open all year round. We are closed only on public holidays and from 24 December to 1 January, so you can plan your holidays as suits you. When your child comes back after a break, the teacher welcomes them, helps them join in the play and tells you at pick-up how they managed the day. With 7 to 15 children in the class, she notices when your child is sadder after coming back and gives them more time.

When your child is ill, they stay at home until they have fully recovered. That way the illness is not passed between children and teachers like a relay baton, and your child does not meet the same illness again when they come back. All you need to do is report the illness in the parent app, where you also cancel their meals, even on the same day until 7:30. If your child shows signs of illness at the door in the morning, the teacher will not accept them. This protects the other children, and on the days when other children are ill, it protects yours in the same way.

We explain the illness rules in detail in When to keep your child home from kindergarten. If you would like to talk about what a day with us looks like, book a visit at a time when the kindergarten is not busy.